i am here doing nothing.

just spacing out and thinking a lot... ...
maybe i should say hoping a lot.

i say it's alright for things to go whichever direction they want.
i said it with a lot of ease and difference....

far more than i really do possess.


i am just cheap and a liar who cares too much for her image to do anything right....

i want things to go my way.

and i couldn't admit it.
lying to be someone i am not, because being someone like that is the right thing to do.


.... .... what a stupid idea.

now i am still here... hoping there will be a change of situation and everything will go the right way.... .... my way.
i could be here waiting until the last minute and delay every other thing that is to happen in my life.



hope is for losers and daydreamers who are only good crying and pleading for help and deliverance....
there will be no disappointment without hope.

ok.... that was lame.

but nevermind.


i want to be slim and rich.

that's all... thank you.

this girl who's awake in her room at 4:27 am in the morning....
chewing on a beef jerky and drinking blood-red cranberry bacardi.....

doesn't sounds exacty like me.

but... that's what i'm slowly discovering ... myself.

if not for some stupid quiz...
if not for loneliness...

i would never have know that i am this.

i still don't know how i look like.
i don't know what i really like and appreciate.
i don't feel myself that strongly either....

i think i shall spend more time with myself and get to know myself better....

it is a good diversion for the time being....
(but it's easier said than done.)

David Tao - I Like

i went surfing for pics of beaches.

because i wanted to do a wallpaper for myself.

it shouldn't take long... but it did.

because i couldn't pull myself away from all those photos of beautiful beaches.

one after another.... i am lost in my daydreams.


then i see those photos.

they are so beautiful.

they are the most beautiful of all.... the whole series of them.



they are all tinted a shade of purple.



it's like, i'll eventually see him walk out of them....
right before my very eyes, hold my hand gently....
and lead me into the paradise with him.



if you really come to me, i'll follow wherever you lead me.

promise.

what happened?

i am afriad.

i am afraid of life... of moving on with life

i just want to stay here, in this place i am standing now forever.

maybe life has been disappointing... too disappointing for me to place trust once again

to trust that my life will continue to bring beautiful memories

even though it suck now.

even if life is horrible at this point i am standing on...

i refuse to move on.


i don't need people anymore. i just want to be with myself and be away from the rest of the world.

there is no reason to go on now like there is no reason to proceed yesterday...

because the reason is never around.

i don't believe that he is ever going to be... i am just plain stupid all this while.


i don't want to see the world anymore... i had seen enough.

and i hope the world will never see me again.

God* what happened....?

K'


What King of Fighters character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla



K'
There are others who had planted their interests in you and now you feel you have no control over life or your past. As a result, you live a bitter life, being someone you never wanted to be, with a cold and antisocial stance as a side effect. You are always questioning about your existence. But maybe life just couldn't be worse.



You're K'!


Which King of Fighters Guy (Hero) Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla



Congrats! You're Vanessa!


Which King of Fighters Gal (Hero) Are You?
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ok.... i like vanessa*
... ... ...
damn.*

Air. You think before you act, you look before you
leap. You are very direct, which sometimes can
hurt others. You are always looking for the
truth behind things. Of all the elements,
you're the wisest.


What is your element?
brought to you by Quizilla

n_n* such a beautiful compliment this result is....

You came from heaven. Your gole in life is to help
others and to make the world a better place.
Some call you weak, but in reality your soul is
very strong. If only more people were like
you...


Where did you come from?
brought to you by Quizilla

.... O.o'' really....?

bleah* >.<
you look cute doing something so wrong only because i love you.

.... ....

and that's not fair.

but i love you still =)
... ... stupid girl*

i just woke up.
i think i got it.
i hadn't dream of anything in my sleep.... just like i wanted.
i could get between both worlds and be a winner.

but why do i wake up just to feel tears and face the thing i am trying hard to run away from by going to sleep?

i am kind of stupid to think that i could just give up something so special by pledging on my blog.
some things are not up to you to decide.

i don't think love is blind.... i never do.
because i am, in love.


i've a snake and a purple teddy bear.
today i'll get a hamster to play with my 3 fishes.
i have my room and computer.
i love photography and nail art... and design.
i like to decorate my room and light candles all around.
i think i am fortunate and should be happy.
well, i am.
but this coldness lurks around me....
always asking to be my companion.
i shut it out by wearing my army camos to school all the time.
i am waiting for someone to come stand between this coldness and me.
to hug and love me like all the princesses of disney cartoons.
i had been waiting in vain for years, and sometimes really hurts to love.
but i shouldn't complain.

at least i get to love him.... and that's enough to keep me going for the rest of my life.

if i gave up something i have been doing for the past 9 years of my life, is it ok?
then, what will i do now?

sleeping is good.
it is the best of the 2 worlds... you are alive yet unconscious.

but why do i want to be alive in the first place?
... commitments.

i really love to sleep.
and now i start to wonder what kind of bed is sleeping beauty sleeping on?

i have a single bed. i don't think anyone else can squeeze in....
i guess i'll sleep alone for the rest of my life.

don't come and kiss me ok?
i don't want to marry and have kids.