i do and speak the unneccessary,

and forgo everything ought to be done in my life asap.

i have 24 hrs in each day of my life,

but sometimes it feels like 10 hrs.... or less.

i am constantly in daze... or limbo,

spacing out on a plane where noone can reach in to pull me back.

hence when i awake to a sizzling sun over the horizon,

my daylight is over and the night is all i remember.


everything around me screams for a change, and to start afresh...

but i alone hold the key to the door of incarnation.

... and i am not ready to use it.

i am a perfectionist who is unwilling to let go of something so imperfect.

makes me wonder am i really a perfectionist or have i been claiming all these years.

.... just claiming -- not being.


a catalyst should come my way,

and speed up my pace of life.

i have no idea what it is going to be, but i hope it brings along good tidings for my shambles of a life.




... ... that is, if it is coming my way.

i spend all of my time chasing something i cannot hold.

somehow it gives me happiness.

... maybe not the kind i really want in life.

but it is still a kind of satisfaction.... a form of happiness.



i spent all my life waiting for something i cannot hold....

it gives me happiness, strength, and pain.

it bestowed upon me loneliness and tears i shed inwardly.

there is no reason to why i should be waiting.



... and no reason why you should tell me not to.


it is a kind of chill, the kind that comes when you are all alone.
it's the chill i feel, a feeling i call home.

whenever the clouds gather and it starts to rain, the chill goes away.
because company arrives to compliment the tears i shed.

whenever people come and say something, they aren't heard... let alone felt.
it's that chill that gets between the conversation, the chill that couldn't be helped.

i'm waiting for him to come my way.
the him who can torch away the rain....
the rain that encouraged tears to flow.

he will bring my warmth home.
maybe stay with me then, and make that feeling go.


it's a kind of chill i feel.
the kind that will get between me and you.