so far away, you'll be there.

dry your tears, paint a dream...

you'll be what you want to be.


my sea of inspiration.


i am stupid and confused.....
hence i'm lost .... in pathatic self -pity.

i speak rubbish.... without thinking.
i need friends to bring me to reality.

i was stupid and confused.
i'm glad i have a friend like you.

if you cannot do something properly.....
don't do it and be a loser.

if you cannot live life the way it should,

go die.





death is not a punishment, it's a choice
if you don't choose it, you'll get punished.

for the torment you inflicted on me, and everybody else.
i think you will go to hell.

i want my life and i want to live,
stop coming in to spoil my scene.

i don't give a shit how you want to live yours...
just fucking leave mine alone.

i love that being i used to loved,
he is beautiful and intelligent.
i look at you and i say,

he is not here.

if you cannot live life the way you want,
don't waste time....

w3tgfedryufdddddddcjku,myhujn;pkjip[[kji'
[]lop
klo'kloujxt c



cat-typing


n_n*

it fucking hurts.



a total mess.
absolute insensibility.
all for this....

sleepless nights.
stupid grins.
all from me....

try harder, dwell deeper.
stare at the spot on the monitor.

this is crap, this is me....
from the start, you can't take it.

wasted time, rendered blind....
groping for that illusionistic sight.

it's not here, you can hear.
i knew it, but i sank deeper.

i am lost, like the place i stood upon.
you had to be the one to turn my lights off....



it hurts ..... it fucking hurts.



who gives a damn?
when will i learn... and stay where i am?

i want to know, i want to change.
this be the last time i'm screaming .... insane

where's a scantuary for the defeated?
with roses and dead poets?
where's the road i can move on from here....
so i'll quit saying....
i feel hurt.




it fucking hurts.

i want to quit school,
become a mad woman and live away from home in some scientific experiment laboratory.

then i want to die a voilent death and come back to look for people who had offended me when i was living this goddamn life like the miserable shit i am right now, this minute.

then i get the license to kill anytime anywhere....

hating people becomes so much more accomplishing and interesting, because you can kill them and haunt and torment them in their sleep.

it will become a hobby.

a good hobby.

i love my ambition.

the purest sign of love is for one to chose spend time idly in the presence of another....
when much more could be accomplished if the time's spent elsewhere.




We are standing on the top of this hill,
Looking out at the myriad of colors�.
It�s not special it�s beautiful�
You just didn�t know I was looking at you.

We need to stay together, it�s the truth.
I need your hands, and you need my laughter.
It�s not unheard I am here�
Secretly holding on to you.

Coz I want to stay away.
Coz I�m so afraid�..



I don�t want to have anything to do with hurt.
I love you but I�m a coward.
I�ll stand by your side and look away�.
So you will never see the tears on my face.
I�ll stand by to watch you disappear�
Feel the pain and relief of not keeping you here.
It�s not the rain �. I�m just tripping.
And you�re just breaking�




I got into peril, running away from sobriety.
Because I know these are the times you�ll be here for me.
Because I want to see your face, and be with you.
Because I don�t have the license to�
Because I need an excuse.

But here I�ll stay �.
Coz I�m so afraid.




I don�t want to have anything to do with hurt.
I love you but I�m a coward.
I�ll stand by your side and look away�.
So you will never see the tears on my face.
I�ll stand by to watch you disappear�
Feel the pain and relief of not keeping you here.
It�s not the rain �. I�m just tripping.
And you�re just breaking�


It�s not the rain �. Just me.
It�s not the rain �. It�s me.
Crying.


I don�t want to have anything to do with hurt.
I love you but I�m a coward


��.
I�ll stand by to watch you disappear�
Feel the pain and relief of not keeping you here.
It�s not the rain �. I�m just tripping.
And you�re just breaking�

It's hard to understand what you are going through because i'm not you. I don't have an idea what goes on in your head or what kind of mental torment have to go through everyday. It is always disturbing to see family members having an arguement. After all, the home is supposed to be a place for solace and serenity. It is definately fustrating for you and no, i can vaguely imagine the pain u have now.

this is going to be so cliche...

Your friends love you Iris, there is ALWAYS a way out. I know there are times where you tell yourself to be strong, to depend on yourself and NEVER to show your weakness in front of people...and on the other hand, you crave for someone to know how you feel and to show comfort to you... two thoughts pulling you apart.

Don't hurt yourself anymore.

I'm telling you this because i care. You're a special friend to me. Not cause i like to tell people nice things for the sake of it, i'm no goody-two-shoes and i dun bloody care about the people that dun matter to me. Talk to someone when you have to. Dun keep it to yourself, it is too much for one person to handle.

Take care,
Yun


PS: so that was why you didn't go to school.... :/


that brought me back.
thank yun, i wish i can do somethingso beautiful for you....

i am confused and afriad.

i am suffering from personality disorder.

i love and hate the same people's guts.

i speak of nasty stuff and obscenities to hurt others and cry after that.

i need someone to help and guide me, or i need something to kill me.

i don't want to join my brother in the hospital and bring eternal damnation to everyone one in my life.

i don't want to tell others i am not normal because i am supposed to be.

i am mean and i frown to my family members all the time, but i am sweet and happy to people who aren't as close to me.

i hurt people to protect myself and fail because i hurt myself in the process of hurting other people.

i don't want to stand beside my brother to compliment ocd and schizophrenia with a schizotypal me and my split-personalities.

i don't want to go crazy so soon.

i want to be happy.

i want to be happy i want to be happy i want to be happy i want to be happy i want to be happy i want to be happy i want to be happy i want to be happy i want to behappy i wan tot be happy i wan tot behappy ti awna tobe happ i wn tot be happy ti wan tot be happy i wan tot benhappy ti wn tot beahappy i wan tot be happy i wan to behappy i wan to be happy i wan to be happy i wan to be happy i wn tot be happy i wan tot be ha[[y i wan to be ha[[y i wna to be happy i wan tot be happy i wan to be hap[py i wna t itbe happy i wan to be happy i want happy i want to be happy i want to be happy iwant ot be p[a yyi wan to be happy i want to be happy iwan tot be happy iwan tto be happy ti wan tot be happy it ant to be happy i wan tot be happy i wan tot nbe happy i wan to be happy i want ot be happy iw ant to be happy iwant to be happy iwant to beha[py iwan to be happy ti wan tot be happy i want to be happy i wn tot be happy i wan tot be happy iwn tto be happy i wan to be ha[py iwna tto be happy iwant to happy i want ot paahy i want tophappy i to be happyi want to behappy i wan tot behhapy i want to be happy i ean tto be happy i wan to be happy i wan to be happy i wan tot be happy i wan to be happy i wan to happy i want otb e happy i want otbe happy i waqn to bo happy i wan to be happy i wan to be happy i wn tot nbe happy i wan tot be happy i eant to be hppyti ant to be happy iw ntot be happy iwant to behappy uwan tot be happy iwan tioto behappy iwan to be happy iwant to be happty i wan to tbe happy i want ot be happy i wan to be happy i wan to be happy i wan to ibehappy i wan to be happy i wan tot be happy i want to behappy i wan to behappy i wan to be happy i wan to be happy i wan to be happy u wan tto be happy i waqnt to be hapyyu i wan tot bebe happty i want to be happy i want ot be happy i want ot bre happy i want to be happy i wan tot be happy i wan tot be happy iwant to be hapyy i want to be happy i wan tot be behappy i want to be happy i wan to be happy iwnat to happy iwant to be happy iwant to be happy i want to be happy iw ant to be happy i want to be happy i want to be happy i want to be happy i want to be happay i want to be happy i want to be happry i want to be happy iwan tto be happy iwant to be happy iwant to be happy iw ant to be happy i want to be happy i want to be happy i want ot be happy want to be happy i want to be happy i wan tot be happy i wan tot be ahappy i wan tot eba happym n

i hate it when my mother comes to me to talk about my brother.

i don't hate my brother, neither do i hate my mom.

but i fucking hate the whole world when i come home to hear about anything to do with my brother and his condition.

i don't want to listen to my family yelling at each other at the top of their lungs when they are talking.

i don't want to be around when someone runs out of the door when my family is arguing.

i don't want to see my mother loitering the home in the middle of the night trying to tell me about spirits and ghosts and whatever fuck theory be it religious or superstitious that has to do with the family and it's fucken bad condition now.

i don't want to tell the class i have problems at home and i am unable to join them or just... fucking hand in my work on time and keep to the fucken schedule.

i don't want to see anyone anymore.

i hate sex and babies and humans and every fucking thing you can think of with your bloody fucking brain...

i don't give a damn.

i will fucking disappear if i know how to do it in style.

people can go and die.

ocd can go and die.

i can go and die.

i wish nobody loves me because i don't know how to love them back.

i have no time for this "i love you" crap business.

i don't love anyone.

i won't cry if everyone fucking die tomorrow.

even if i do, i won't tell you and it has nothing to do with you.

everyone should fucking just keep away from me because i am tried of pretending and smiling.

i don't give a shit.

i don't give a fuck.

stop telling me nice stuff.

save it for yourself.

just let me rot here and die.

Arson�.



you threw me a fuse and mocked at my face.
i�m splattered with blood� a picture of disgrace.

kick the bucket, hang the dead cat�
come�on, show me your guts.
if you can�t do this, you�ll never join us.

once and twice� a kick and a dozen smashes.



vision blurs in these torrents
the pain that could never go further�.
i�ll abide and i�ll burn.
and i�ll burn����.
i�ll throw you the ashes�
evidence����..
i�ll throw you my matches.
arson������.



every time i see your face, i�ll leave the place�
today you caught me�� there�s no escape.

kicked the bucket, hung the cats�
here I am� more than you wished
so �. you can�t take this --- the new me i�m presenting.

once and twice� a kick and a dozen smashes



a vision blurs in these torrents
the pain that could never go further�.
i�ll abide and i�ll burn.
and i�ll burn����.
i�ll throw you the ashes�
evidence����..
i�ll throw you my matches.
arson������.



i�ll bring you the flames, don�t run away.
like the sunrise of my era�. be afraid.



a vision blurs in these torrents
the pain that could never go further�.
i�ll abide and i�ll burn.
and i�ll burn����.
i�ll throw you the ashes�
evidence����..
i�ll throw you my matches.
arson������.

-TBC-

i want to drop everything and run away.

there's a reason why i love iori..... people should know.

and i should remember.




i hate iris.... and i know you should hate her too
hate her like i do.
you don't because of god-knows-why.
if you allow, i'll hate her for you.

she's a bitch and a loser....
a thief that steals, from those closest to her.
you are silly and like an angel...
like a flightless bird....
trapped and helpless.... sad and accursed.

come.... start to learn.
be kind to yourself, not that girl...
she's a coward, she's dirt.
save your heart, and recover those tears....
to your loneliness and your hunger for love...
the answer's not here.

hate iris... go hate her.
if you can't then you start to learn.
i started the ball rolling....
i say she'll disappear and she'll burn.

i'm so true about this....

seriously...... hates iris.

i am so tired and worn out.
i'll leave if i have the guts.
i'll leave if i'm not tied down emotionally.
i'll leave..... just leave.


here's this loser prancing at your door
she's laughing, smiling, bragging... and all
her vivacious stuttle, and bashful smile...
glitters and shines like jewels in your face.
a happy, sane, and simple creature she portrays.


i'm this pretendious creature that is not myself
i live in sub-dimensions,
skiving from the pain and tears i am supposed to sell.
i'll leave this plain and dwell on another...
whenever things don't work out well.
one day there will be no escape,
i'll find myself in a corner.... dead
with the lies i'd spun to keep my face
a clown they'll see, standing in my place.
i'm this loser and a hypocrite,
earning cash with my decaying smiles.
take a bow, look further...
see the ugly truth behind this barricade
see that i'm like this ..... because my tears and gloom you'll hate
an elaborate costume for the bleeding corpse
a song for the living danced by the dead...
me that everyone's missed... waiting in a cage backstage,
listening to the drama unfold as the clown steals the show...
i laughed and i wept,
rotting my life away in this trap.
nevermind the drama, nevermind the fame....
the adoration people shower... i will never claim.

He*Hu*HAaa!!!!! - i had a sorry saturday, give me your pity.,,, says:
i should just get a boyfriend like everyone else
� ? years go by and we'd still be waiting for somebody else to understand... says:
heh~ "everyone"?
� ? years go by and we'd still be waiting for somebody else to understand... says:
the problem is~
� ? years go by and we'd still be waiting for somebody else to understand... says:
you not just "everyone else" iris~
� ? years go by and we'd still be waiting for somebody else to understand... says:
you're different
He*Hu*HAaa!!!!! - i had a sorry saturday, give me your pity.,,, says:
.............. =P so are you.....*



of course you are..... your words mean the world to me.

i thank my lucky stars for a friend like you.