Sunday, September 26, 2004
like i said....
i don't brand people as BAD just because they don't fit into the template i set for people who get into my good books.
i pretty much respect personal preferences, interests and character by keeping my mouth shut and not telling people what to do with their lives.
i can trust you with your life.... it's time you trust me with mine.
i cannot be the me years ago because i have grown and time had passed .... and we don't address young adults above the age of 21 years old as "kids" here.
the "kid" from some other "lucky" parent is perfect before you for less than 10 minutes .... i dedicated the first 21 years of my life and memory for your dictation.
you can tell me what not to do and how i should behave .... that's about all you can do.
my heart chooses what i truly love and desire .... and no amount of barbaric demands can change that.
you should stay away from things you don't understand .... to avoid getting hurt.
if you don't and fall into harm's way, you have yourself to blame -- because you are too stupid to act intelligently.....
don't fucking blame me for being myself all this while.
i don't brand people as BAD just because they don't fit into the template i set for people who get into my good books.
i pretty much respect personal preferences, interests and character by keeping my mouth shut and not telling people what to do with their lives.
i can trust you with your life.... it's time you trust me with mine.
i cannot be the me years ago because i have grown and time had passed .... and we don't address young adults above the age of 21 years old as "kids" here.
the "kid" from some other "lucky" parent is perfect before you for less than 10 minutes .... i dedicated the first 21 years of my life and memory for your dictation.
you can tell me what not to do and how i should behave .... that's about all you can do.
my heart chooses what i truly love and desire .... and no amount of barbaric demands can change that.
you should stay away from things you don't understand .... to avoid getting hurt.
if you don't and fall into harm's way, you have yourself to blame -- because you are too stupid to act intelligently.....
don't fucking blame me for being myself all this while.
Saturday, September 11, 2004
someone asked me what is my fondest memory today.
there is no memory that comes to mind immediately after i got the question.
i guess after 21 years of living, there is no fondest memory in me yet.
this is pathetic.
but as i try to search for one.... i remembered this....
and i think this has to be one of the most special memories i have.
peter and me.
sitting on one of those fishing rocks at eastcoast.
there were other couples whom i don't remember....
probably bjorn.... probably calvin... probably shirley....
what i do remember, we were all very very young.
i was very very young.
i didn't dream of iori at that moment.
i was just ..... me.
it was very dark....
there was wind... the ocean breeze.
there was peter, whispering half a song and tune to me....
i was in white....
i wasn't afriad of the sea insects on the rocks....
peter lightly pushed my head as i said something silly....
he said "....."
and pushed my head.
affectionately.
this... is my most special memory. i lost peter somewhere in my life....
sometime when i grew up....
but this i keep.
a glimspe of something i want from the person who is supposed to be here to give me my fondest memory.
there is no memory that comes to mind immediately after i got the question.
i guess after 21 years of living, there is no fondest memory in me yet.
this is pathetic.
but as i try to search for one.... i remembered this....
and i think this has to be one of the most special memories i have.
peter and me.
sitting on one of those fishing rocks at eastcoast.
there were other couples whom i don't remember....
probably bjorn.... probably calvin... probably shirley....
what i do remember, we were all very very young.
i was very very young.
i didn't dream of iori at that moment.
i was just ..... me.
it was very dark....
there was wind... the ocean breeze.
there was peter, whispering half a song and tune to me....
i was in white....
i wasn't afriad of the sea insects on the rocks....
peter lightly pushed my head as i said something silly....
he said "....."
and pushed my head.
affectionately.
this... is my most special memory. i lost peter somewhere in my life....
sometime when i grew up....
but this i keep.
a glimspe of something i want from the person who is supposed to be here to give me my fondest memory.
Monday, September 06, 2004
i have a rabbit.
i love it so.... and my whole world knows.
then time came along, slaps me and says "hello?!"
it's not a rabbit but a hamster i own.
i told my "rabbit" i cannot love you as something you are not...
i sent my hamster out the door.
i said.... not anymore
i sat and i wept... what happened gave me a fright.
i bump around and sulk alot... until daddy comes home with siamese fish.
they are colorful and beautiful.
daddy says i can have them because i smile at their radiating hues.
i keep them in my room... basking in their beauty to make my life bloom.
one day they jump out of the tank.
they almost died.... and i demanded why.
because i want to be you
i held the tattered fins... stucked to the marble floor.
my fighting fishes, wasted and torn.
hamster came home on its on accord.... i took the opportunity to redeem my sins.
i'll love my hamster like my fish....
divide my life between the two.
i'll call the hamster his name from now on....
and venture further from the tanks, just so fish won't jump onto the floor.
i see a rabbit through my windows.
he sat with a battered, rusty tag on him ....
an ownership that is worth nothing to she
he's curious, and all alone.
i have an infatuating urge to bring him home.
i waved at it... and he waved back.
fish started jumping onto the floor ... and hamster bled.
i am confused and very stressed...
i hurl stones at the rabbit.
hoping to chase him away to change my mind.
but he just sat around ....
looking lovingly at me and saying ouch*
now i know i am in total mess.
i hurt those who love me to hurt myself.
it fucking hurts and i want no more of this.
it's no longer a thought... but reality
everyone will be happy ...
without me.
i love it so.... and my whole world knows.
then time came along, slaps me and says "hello?!"
it's not a rabbit but a hamster i own.
i told my "rabbit" i cannot love you as something you are not...
i sent my hamster out the door.
i said.... not anymore
i sat and i wept... what happened gave me a fright.
i bump around and sulk alot... until daddy comes home with siamese fish.
they are colorful and beautiful.
daddy says i can have them because i smile at their radiating hues.
i keep them in my room... basking in their beauty to make my life bloom.
one day they jump out of the tank.
they almost died.... and i demanded why.
because i want to be you
i held the tattered fins... stucked to the marble floor.
my fighting fishes, wasted and torn.
hamster came home on its on accord.... i took the opportunity to redeem my sins.
i'll love my hamster like my fish....
divide my life between the two.
i'll call the hamster his name from now on....
and venture further from the tanks, just so fish won't jump onto the floor.
i see a rabbit through my windows.
he sat with a battered, rusty tag on him ....
an ownership that is worth nothing to she
he's curious, and all alone.
i have an infatuating urge to bring him home.
i waved at it... and he waved back.
fish started jumping onto the floor ... and hamster bled.
i am confused and very stressed...
i hurl stones at the rabbit.
hoping to chase him away to change my mind.
but he just sat around ....
looking lovingly at me and saying ouch*
now i know i am in total mess.
i hurt those who love me to hurt myself.
it fucking hurts and i want no more of this.
it's no longer a thought... but reality
everyone will be happy ...
without me.
